Deep-Fried Cadbury Creme Egg

I love Easter. To me, Easter symbolizes the solidarity of our culture. It's magical that every April, grocery stores rise up in unison to have massive sales on chocolate. It's like Halloween, but with better weather. And since it comes but once a year, the Easter sale is an excellent excuse to create heart-stopping desserts.

Today, I'm going to help you celebrate new life by showing you a mouth-watering way to hasten the end of your own. Behold: the deep-fried Cadbury Creme Egg.

I think my heart just skipped a beat. It's probably because I ate three of these.

With all the subtle delicacy of a waltzing hippo, this is not a dessert for the faint of artery. It's as rich as Donald Trump and only twice as pretty. But, like any waltzing hippo, its true beauty is on the inside. Its delicious, gooey inside.

Cadbury Creme Eggs are all about goo. In their ads, pent-up eggs release their goo all over garbage cans, typewriters, and photogenic actresses. Comical marketing aside, this ad campaign has a point: the sweet glop is definitely the climax of the snack.

If she finds this goo satisfying, it's only because she hasn't tried mine. The confectionery combo of yolk and white is tasty, but it has potential for more than that. This recipe is my attempt at reinventing the creme egg.

Instead of a hard chocolate shell we'll use a sweet donut-like coating, crispy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside. The once-hard chocolate will melt into the egg goo, and this scrambled crème will dribble onto a bed of French Vanilla. It's crispy and soft, warm and cool, delicious and deadly.

The recipe itself is fairly simple. Here's what you'll need:

That's flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, milk, cooking oil, and eggs, both creme and non-creme. You'll also need some French Vanilla ice cream, if that's the way you choose to live your life.

The first step is taking your creme eggs, removing their wrapping, and freezing them. For all this talk about warm goo, we need the batter to crisp up before the chocolate melts. The easiest way to do that is to have the eggs frozen and the batter at room temperature.

The second step is prepping your oil. The oil should be deep enough to allow the eggs to float, two to three inches, so a narrower pot is better. Preheat it to 350 F, 176 C, or both.

For the batter, I scaled down a recipe for funnel cakes. Even only making this much, you'll have enough batter for half a dozen creme eggs at least.

Batter:

1 Egg (chicken, not creme)

2 tbsp white sugar

2/3 cups of milk

1 ¼ cups white flour

1 tsp baking powder

Pinch salt

Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Cream the non-creme egg and the sugar in a mixing bowl. Slowly add the milk while beating the mixture. Add the dry ingredients and beat until it's almost as smooth as me.

Take the creme eggs out of the freezer and submerge them in the batter. Turn the eggs, making sure to give them a generous coating. Now, the tricky part is getting the eggs from the bowl into the oil. Wire tongs work well if you have them, or you can scoop the egg on a spoon with a glob of batter underneath. You'll want to prevent the bottom of the egg from going naked and spewing its delicious guts into the hot oil.

Fry them until the coating gets a nice golden brown texture, two to three minutes. Like any deep fried food, make sure not to crowd them in the oil. I did one at a time, just to be sure.

The mess adds flavour.

While it's frying, get your ice cream ready in serving bowls. When the eggs are done, let the excess oil drip off them, then place them directly on the ice cream. Serve them immediately, if you can wait that long.

This poor egg didn't get a chance to become a creme chicken.

If Cadbury's ads compare creme eggs to sex, then this is deep-fried sex. Just without all the burning.